MY NEW JOURNAL IS red_hair. THIS JOURNAL IS DEAD.

that's right. add red_hair and like it.

so yeah, add red_hair to your list if you want to stick around for the ride. that journal won't be up until tomorrow so right now you will see no entries and no user info. but believe me when i say it is ME.

i have another journal by the same name (red_hair) at greatestjournal.com. so if you have a gj add me and please don't laugh at the ugly layout there. i am going to fix it.

oh and if someone would please buy me a two-month paid account for red_hair so i can make my own style, that would be great. i will pay you back if you give me your address.

if i don't add you to my friends list at my new journal, it probably means that i don't like you anymore. eh. it happens.

so yesterday afternoon my old boss from the newspaper called me (i worked as a reporter last year for those of you who don't know), and she said she had some temporary part-time work available, if i was interested.

it is only today and tomorrow, this week. i work from 9-4 today and 9-1 or something tomorrow.
i don't even really want to do this, but i need money badly, and beggars can't be choosers. i guess i am kind of wary because when i worked there before, so much work was put on me that i was extremely stressed out. they basically took advantage of me. it got to the point where i had something of a nervous breakdown, and had to quit.

so you can see why i'm a bit afraid that what is going to happen is that something that starts out "temporary" will turn into her calling me every day, asking me to come in and work, until i'm right back in the position i was in last year, working full-time but being paid the temporary wage, with no benefits. if that happens, i want all of you to slap me and tell me to quit.

so now i am wondering what kind of work she will have for me today. i am guessing it's clerical stuff; at least, i hope it is. but if i go in there and she wants me to set up interviews with people and write stories for the paper again, well, i will just have to tell her no. that's a very big NO. i won't be getting paid enough every week to cover the gasoline expenses to take these little jaunts into the backwoods to interview billy bob and his inbred family, or some other horrible redneck thing. also, one day is NOT enough to set up an interview, conduct the interview, and then write the story. no, not in seven hours.

at least i know for sure that i won't be writing tomorrow. tomorrow is the day they print the paper and they only need me for proofreading and police/sheriff's reports.

i really shouldn't complain, because at least this is kind of a job. i just really hope that i get a permanent, full-time job soon, something i ENJOY, so that i can move out and live by myself and have the peace and quiet needed to finish my novel.

anyway, see you later.

and here is the story. this is total insanity that i wrote more than a year ago, when i could still write things that were good.

---

The phone rang. I picked it up.
"Hello?"
"Who is this?" an unfamiliar, male voice demanded.
"The wrong number," I replied, and hung up the phone.

The next day I was at the store. I was buying some wine. I had a date that night that I thought might turn into something more.
I stood in the aisle and looked indecisively at the bottles. They caught my reflection and in them I saw myself four inches high and mousy-looking.

Someone knocked on the door. I slunk from my bed, where I had been stroking his fuzzy arm with the tips of my fingers, and strode naked down the hall. Intuition said Jehovah's Witnesses; the peephole said no, it was just the neighbor. This neighbor wanted me bad. Sometimes I would go out to get the paper and see him peek his head out of his door at the same time, pretending to be watching for the mail. It was for this reason that I sometimes wore only my robe, open at the top, and bent over provacatively to get the paper. I don't know if it tweaked those inner male nerves of his or not; my breasts are the size of small apples.
The neighbor's eye took up most of my view out of the peephole. He was holding my newspaper. I remembered that I usually get the paper at 8 a.m., but today, though, on the account of him being here, I had slept in.
My clock with the cat whose eyes and tail moved back and forth read 9:29 a.m. The hall was dark, and I could see the dim, dusty outlines of the furniture in my living room. The heavy drapes made it impossible to tell if it was sunny outside.
Just then, the air conditioner kicked on, and the drapes shifted suddenly and uneasily from the gust of cold air. An oblong of white light hit the wall next to my head, then rippled. It landed on my shoulder. All the post-coital hormones within me were raging, making my skin gleam. It had been only minutes earlier that he had given a heavy sigh and rolled off of me. The two of us lay still, side by side and silent, until finally he slid his arm across the peaks and curves of my torso and let his fingers trace the outline of my navel. That was when I started stroking his arm. That was when the neighbor knocked.
I heard the newspaper drop to the ground with a flat thud, then retreating, shuffling footsteps. I crept back down the hall and slid into bed.
His mouth was partly open, but his eyes were closed. I watched his bare chest rise and fall for a bit. His breathing was slow and regular. I was, in my own way, gasping for air.
Everything was completely silent. Usually around this time of the day, I would hear my neighbor shaving with an electric razor in his bathroom. Separated by only two feet of concrete, we would eavesdrop on each other. I had taken to running the water in the sink when I used the bathroom, because of a fear that he would be listening on the other side of the wall and enjoying it.

I was out to eat with my friend Betty, Barbie and Ken's illegitimate child. I kept biting my tongue while she kept asking me what was wrong. My tongue felt like it didn't belong in my mouth; it was swollen and foreign.
I couldn't eat because of my tongue, so I watched Betty pick at a salad. Betty was swollen herself; she was eight months pregnant with twins that she was going to name Robin and Robert, regardless their ultimate gender. She thought they were a boy and a girl. She made me remember why I'd had an abortion and killed the little parasite festering in embryonic fluid inside me.
But she didn't know about that. Nobody knew about that except the counselor whom had been assigned to me to help me through my "difficult time." I didn't see what was so difficult about it.
The counselor told my male boss that I was having "female trouble," which always scares even the toughest of men because they don't know what the hell it means. Then I went to the clinic and had it sucked out, and when the counselor asked me how I felt afterwards, I told her "free."

When I got home from the movies he left me at the door with a slight yet lingering kiss. He wasn't staying over because he had things to do in the morning. I let my purse drag down the hallway behind me like a dead dog, reminding myself that if any children came along and asked me what was wrong with it, I'd say, "Oh, he's just sleeping."
It was pitch black in my bedroom. I could hear music in the neighbor's apartment and figured he must be entertaining himself because he was a loser who couldn't get a date. I dropped my coat on the floor and liked the way it sounded.

the end.

( black and white )

plus some pretty things, not hurricane-related. ( here )

unapologetic did this in her journal, and i found it interesting. so, if you're up to it, comment with ten adjectives that you think best describe me. then ask others to do the same of you.
waiting.

( creeks and swings and pretty things )

i guess maybe this isn't normal but my eyes have been fading in and out all day. i mean everything keeps getting blurry. then it gets better again. and when i say "blurry," i mean gray. whatever i am looking at just fades into gray.
i can't tell you how i feel. but here is a pretty accurate description without adjectives: i want a pair of boots to smash someone's face with. to grind it under my heel, oh yes, and scream.
ta-ta.

future projects:
lampshades
decorated wood boxes

cassie's hat is almost done. photo soon. ALSO, people who said they wanted me to make them something, what colors, if any, do you prefer? please let me know.

tomorrow will be my last photo session with black hair. my sister and i are getting up early to take photos at various places in the area. tomorrow night i'm cutting all of my hair off. i mean all of it. i mean, crew cut.
it'll grow out faster that way, and i won't have to bleach over the black dye, then dye over that, then try to perm over that. my hair would just fall out anyway since it is that thin, fine baby hair that you can't do anything with.
and there's that problem of me pulling my hair out anyway. better to cut it now and wear scarves on my head for a few weeks than walk around with bald spots.

ALSO this:
(in parking lot of store)
me: mom always says "people tell me that i look a lot younger than 40," and i'm sitting there thinking, "yeah, right, mom, you totally look 40."
sister: oh, i know.
me: because she's all wrinkled from laying out in the sun all the time. ew, all those wrinkles. those people know what i'm talking about. (points to group of old people)
sister: oh my god, misty, my window is down.
(old people glare and shake their fists at me)

goodbye.

if you would like one or more of the following, please let me know, and also give me the colors and/or size you prefer (if applicable):
- crayon candles (in their own decorated votives)
- papier-mache boxes (decorated with paint or decoupage, or whatever you want)
- stationery
- bead jewelry (necklaces, chokers and bracelets)

i am also putting together care packages for friends of mine who have started college this year (freshmen only). the care packages will contain stationery, a homemade journal, candies and foodstuffs, and anything else i can think of that you might want/need. so if you would like one, let me know.
also, i am crocheting hats, mittens, scarves and stuffed animals, but unless your name is eustacia or cassie, or i have already offered to make you one for free, i will have to be compensated because yarn is expensive.

i will post pictures of some of my stuff soon so you can decide whether i am talented or not and whether or not you would like me to make you something. i do enjoy doing this stuff so you would not be imposing to ask me to knit you a ten-foot long scarf or anything. it gives me something to do other than watch television. ha.

LiveJournal Haiku!
Your name:	penny_cokes
Your haiku:	with iggy today i fixed my computer it was infected
Username:
Created by Grahame

i guess iggy pop is some sort of closet computer nerd. who knew?

turner classic movies is set to kick our collective asses next month. tons of great movies on tap. the following list is more for myself than anyone else, but if i may suggest a few movies you should tune into next month:

september 1st/3:30 a.m. - the harold lloyd short film among those present. he is one of my favorite silent film stars, if only because he looks like a total geek. i love him. 45 mins.
september 4th/10:30 p.m. - citizen cane. the orson welles classic. if you have not seen it, do check it out. 2 h 30 mins.
september 7th/9:30 p.m. - annie hall. i'm usually not too big on woody allen movies, but there is a little something about him that is endearing. 1 h 33 mins.
september 8th/12:30 a.m. - the sea hawk, a silent film from 1924 which stars milton sills and enid bennett. nice swashbuckling romance type of thing. 2 h 4 mins.
september 8th/3:15 p.m. - lolita. this is the 1962 stanley kubrick version. i'm usually not too big on movies based on books, but i'll watch anything kubrick directs. 2 h 34 mins.
september 8th/6 p.m. - dr. strangelove or: how i learned to stop worrying and love the bomb. all i have to say about this movie is "god, yes. OH, GOD, YES." 1 h 35 mins.
september 13th/6 p.m. - the postman always rings twice. starring lana turner, oh my god. 1 h 53 mins.
september 14th/6 a.m. - my man godfrey. carole lombard and william powell doing what they did best. 1 h 33 mins.
september 16th/6:30 a.m. to 8 p.m. - harold lloyd, harold lloyd, harold lloyd! from his early silent work with the lovely leading ladies mildred davis and jobyna ralston to the 1962 documentary harold lloyd's world of comedy. my favorites: high and dizzy (7 a.m., 26 mins), safety last! (8 a.m., 1 h 13 mins), and the freshman (9:15 a.m., 1 h 16 mins). harold did all of his own stunts, and he'll scare you to death, hanging off the ledges of high buildings and whatnot.
september 21st/10 a.m. - cabaret. don't deny loving liza. 1 h 38 mins.
september 22nd/12 a.m. - the circus. charlie chaplin, the bigtop, a cute dame, and thou. i h 9 mins.
september 26th/10 p.m. to 2 a.m. - two mel brooks favorites, blazing saddles and spaceballs. each is approximately 1 h 30 mins.
september 28/10 p.m. - a streetcar named desire. if you haven't seen this movie, here's your chance! vivien leigh is a totally convincing, totally insane blanche dubois, and marlon brando is at his pre-godfather girth. 2 h 5 mins.
september 29th/beginning at 12:15 a.m. - buster keaton films! silent shorts such as the balloonatic (22 mins) and cops (22 mins), oh me oh my. and stay tuned for talkies like spite marriage (1 h 16 mins) and doughboys (1 h 30 mins). this runs until about 6 a.m.

and if i may announce this little tidbit i've only recently become privy to ...
CLARA BOW! is set to make her big premiere on turner classic movies in november, when they will air the 1923 film down to the sea in ships! yes, let's all of us fall in a collective faint now, but not before wagging a finger at those baddies at TCM and saying, "well, it is about damn time!"
also scheduled to air is the 1999 documentary clara bow: discovering the IT girl. the fun starts at 11 p.m. november 30th.

ha, this entire entry sounds like some sort of maniacally rambling commercial. but i really don't care what you think about me.

fanphotos

i added everyone who expressed an interest in my project to my friends list. you're not under any obligation to add me back, this is just a good way to keep track of all of you, and also a good way to make new friends, and i just adore that. <3

but please, if you do plan on participating in this project, please join fanphotos. that is where i will be directing everyone in the future, and it will be very useful and informative for all of you.

and so, having noticed both of these things, i had an idea for a zine that i think could turn out really well.

( more )

the highlight of the dream was when i went to see my boyfriend, who was not the father of my kids and looked sort of like a young robert deniro, and said, "if you get hungry, come over to my apartment later and i'll make you a sandwich."

in perfect brooklynese. to die for.

my aunt and grandmother and cousin are here visiting. OH. did i mention that my family is going to the beach, sans the girl in black and red (me), for five whole days? it shall be wonderful.

thursday i watched footlight parade, which is my favorite cagney movie, and picture snatcher. and today i watched (and taped) clara bow on biography. oh, how i cried at the end. i've read the biography by david stenn but still, i just can't help being sad over my poor, poor clara. <3

i was playing around with photoshop today. enjoy my photo and the accompanying survey:

( abc survey )

okay this will be a long entry because i have a lot to say. with two pictures!

last friday was my sister's 18th birthday. she got this:

his name is mr. b. her boyfriend got him for her.
also this boy who has been in love with my sister for like three years and is like competing with her boyfriend for her affections bought her a ring that was 250 dollars.
she is a cocktease.

saturday my mother bought me a polka dot dress and maybe if you're lucky i'll post a photo. eventually.

my novel is up to 124 pages and contains more than 46,000 words. and it's not even halfway finished yet. and you know, you really should read it. if you don't want to, well, then you know what you can do (get stuffed).

i saw joey ramone on the drew carey show the other night. i jumped up and down on my bed excitedly. because you see things like that and it tricks you into thinking that he's still alive. then you realize he's not and you cry.

when i move to new york i'm going to acquire one of those roughly-hewn brooklyn accents. and i'll talk out of the corner of my mouth and be mean and break glass bottles and threaten people with them. much FUN.

i helped vivi with her english paper OH YEAH. we are super friends and she wrote me a 9-page letter so now i must write her a letter back.

i love lupin the 3rd. i never got into anime, i was only semi-interested in sailor moon, but lupin has got me hooked, the little thieving bastard.
my favorite character is jigen:

wanna know why? OOH. because he shoots stuff and he looks like a gangster.
also, fujiko's breasts are enormous and that bothers me.

the end.

i've been in the mood to go to a cemetery lately. i used to live next door to one and i'd spend hours wandering around in there. the dead people came to be like my neighbors, even though i'd never known any of them. i'd go and see them and talk to them. one guy's name was thomas pfaff and his grave was closest to our house. it was like right next to our tree that had the tire swing on it. i spoke to him a lot.
yes, i think i'll be stopping by the local cemetery tomorrow. by the way, if you think that's morbid then you can GET STUFFED.

my mother just cut my hair for me. she took cosmetology in high school because it was the late 70s/early 80s and it was the cool thing for teenage girls who loved peter frampton and def leppard to do. she used to have huge hair. one day i'll post a photo.

anyway, photos of my hair soon. i have to retouch my hair first (dye). also i want to show you my "t-rex attack!" shirt, my "adopt a tree" shirt and my new red miniskirt. things that make me feel pretty.

if you can help me with a fashion crisis of sorts then click ( here )

oh. good news. i have a job interview tomorrow. so i would really like it if you kids kept that in mind. i don't mean you have to pray for me or anything. no. just keep your fingers crossed and hope like i am that i'll be employed sooner rather than later.

 
tonite i have a date with a hollywood legend. be sure to watch the eagle (1925) on turner classic movies at midnight. starring this silent fella:

ohh, mr. valentino. of course i'll run away with you.

i realize that this entry was pointless but rudy is so hot. and i usually don't go for that type of man.
perhaps one day i'll post photos of every man i think is attractive and you will see the pattern (tall/skinny/glasses). i don't think mr. valentino would fit in. but just look at him. all the women wanted to sleep with him. i just want to admire his physique and sigh dreamily.

but today it was one of her rare HEALTH WARNING e-mails. she sends them periodically and they mostly deal with self-defense or serial killer alerts but this one was about spider bites.

oh god it was gross. it had pictures of what happens to you if you are bitten by a brown recluse spider and okay, THE AREA WHERE YOU ARE BITTEN ROTS OFF. i don't know why the guy didn't have it treated and chose to just take photos of it and watch it fester instead. he's probably one of my idiot neighbors.

--------------

i will talk about movies now.
yesterday i watched arthur with dudley moore again. i'm not sure how many times a person can watch a movie and still laugh hysterically at it but that movie does it for me.
arthur is charming because he's like my whole family except my family are poor hillbillies who live in the mountains, not rich playboys who live in new york city. but they're all drunks just the same. le sigh.
john gielgud makes me laugh so hard. know why. because the man was a fucking shakespearean actor and then he's on a movie like arthur and says stuff like "go screw yourself" and "perhaps you would like me to wash your dick for you, you little shit." oh i giggle just thinking about it.

and today i watched say anything and it made me sulky. some movies do that. that movie did it.

1) chapter six of the novel is finished. it was 22 pages long so no wonder most of you didn't read it. anyway. here and here.

2) thank you to the people who left feedback about the segment posted over the weekend. i did not ignore your comments. i have just been really busy. and after a certain amount of time elapses i don't see any reason to reply to comments because i feel like it would be rude or something.

3) last night i had a dream that my dad was a midget (little person). the one who played hans in freaks. he was a robot and he died. then i wrecked my car in someone's yard and actually it was where harvey bains and jane from waiting for god lived. harvey yelled at me too. it was umm odd.

4) the relocation has been postponed because well i don't have any money and i kind of need that to move away. the logical thing to do would be to get a job, but there's a problem: NO ONE WILL HIRE ME.

5) i was thinking about what would happen if my book was made into a movie. that would only happen if i had complete control over everything: casting, wardrobe, the screenplay, soundtrack and filming locations, etc. i think anna paquin would be best as davia. she just fits my idea of what davia looks like and how she should behave. you know anna - she played rogue in the x-men movies.
the soundtrack would consist solely of 70s punk and early 80s new wave songs. because that's when the book takes place. so gabba gabba hey to all of you.

6) the other day i bought a new t-shirt. a boys t-shirt. pajamas actually. complete with little shorts. the shirt is green and says T-REX ATTACK! and has, you know, t-rexes all over it. the best part: it came with three DINOSAUR TOYS. a stegosaurus, a t-rex of course and the other one i think is a raptor but i haven't read my charlie brown encyclopedias lately so i am not sure.
when i wear it i have a total urge to sing t-rex songs.

7) my parents are going out of town for the holiday weekend. my sister will probably be gone most of the weekend, either working or out with her boyfriend who claims he is related to elvis. i would only be jealous if he was referring to elvis costello, but since he is referring to fat pantsuit elvis i don't really care.

8) my favorite songs at the moment: "one track mind" by johnny thunders and the heartbreakers, "poison heart" by ramones of course, and "girl like you" by young rascals. yes i know they are totally unrelated but at least i didn't pledge undying devotion to britney spears.

9) happy canada day to you god damn canadians.

chapter six is almost finished, but i decided to post what i have so far. so, check out undercoverbunny or my web site. if you do take the time to read it, please take the time to give me some feedback.

i wrote for hours today, and i am not done yet. it is just flowing out of me like i don't know what. it's very nice to be so inspired.

if all goes the way it is supposed to, i will be visiting the nyc area during the middle of july. meeting roommates and stuff. cross your fingers.